Subtlety and Sarcasim

The French are not a very subtle people. It is customary here to ask at the beginning of every conversation ça-va?, or one of it's more formal synonyms. To an American it is curious how they often respond. In the states, if one is asked how are you? The most depressing answer you are likely to receive is an "Oh. I'm fine." with a subtle sigh of "I'm actually miserable or horribly upset." In France the art of subtlety is as foreign to them as another language, they simply do not understand it.

This results in refreshingly, yet surprisingly honest answers. Despite the fact that ça-va? is a formality, the response always involves the truth.

Madame:"Bonjour Robyn! Ça-va?"

"Oui, ça-va bien. Et toi?"

Madame:"Non, pas ça-va."

It strikes you because your American sentiments are so used to, "it's fine, don't worry, go live your happy little life without a thought to my current state of emotion."

But not in France, in France they tell you, "No, not fine, Tiffany was supposed to leave on Monday, but she left today without telling me, and I came to check on her only to realize that she had left, but what's more, she has been smoking in her room, and all her things smell of cigarettes, now I must wash the sheets and the towels, because I don't want the house smelling like cigarettes, why couldn't she have just gone outside? It's disrespectful." And while you may not understand all of the words (they are being said in French after all) you understand the disappointment in the tone, and you understand that the honest response wasn't meant to make you feel sorry for her (although it does) but rather to simply seek some sort of relief from speaking the truth to another.

In arguments the French are also not fond of subtlety; instead they become extra polite and use heavy amounts of sarcasm, so that one feels as if they are listening to a couple of Old-English gentlemen have a row. "Now Sir, I dare say, I rather enjoy the burnt taste of my meal, well prepared, you must give your chef my greatest compliments." "Oh dear Sir, you honor me with your words, I shall be more than pleased to pass your message on, in the mean time, is there anything else you  need." The winner is always the one who shows the most stoicism and attains the highest level of politeness. It is quite interesting if you think about it, and no matter how good your French is, until you understand and stick true to these two concepts, you will always be pegged as that American.







Madame:"Bonjour Robyn! Ça-va?" [Mah-damn: "Bon-johr Ro-bahn! Sa-vah?] Madame: Hello Robyn, how are you?

"Oui, ça-va bien. Et toi?" [Wee, sa-vah be-en. Ehh twah?]- Yes, I'm doing well, and you?

Madame:"Non, pas ça-va."  [Mah-damn: Nohn, pa sa-vah]- No, I am not well.